If you plan to separate or divorce in Virginia, one of the most important steps you can take for your children is creating a parenting plan. This document outlines how you and your co-parent will share time, responsibilities, and communication now that you are in two households instead of one. A clear, well-crafted parenting plan helps reduce conflict, protect your child’s well-being, and provide stability during this transition.
If you’re navigating custody in Northern Virginia, understanding what goes into a parenting plan is essential.
What Is a Parenting Plan?
A parenting plan is a written agreement between parents that outlines how they will share time with their child and make important decisions about the child’s upbringing. In Virginia, parenting plans can also be called “custody agreements,” “parenting agreements,” or be part of a “marital settlement agreement” that addresses more issues than just custody. The courts will often incorporate these agreement into final custody orders if both parties agree.
When done well, a parenting plan becomes the foundation for co-parenting success.
Why Parenting Plans Matter in Virginia
By law, Virginia courts must prioritize the best interests of the child when deciding custody and visitation. A parenting plan allows parents to show the court that they can cooperate with each other, that they are committed to the child, and that they’ve put thought and care into putting the child first. Judges appreciate parenting plans that are realistic, child-focused, and reduce the likelihood of future disputes.
More importantly, a good parenting plan can make what is often a stressful and confusing time much less scary. It gives your child a predictable structure where they know what to expect, and also reduces unhealthy conflict between you and your ex.
What Should Be Included in a Parenting Plan?
Here’s what a good parenting plan in Virginia typically covers:
Physical Custody and Parenting Time Schedule
“Physical custody” means where the child will live. This can be anything that works for your particular family. For example, in some families the child lives primarily with one parent, while the other has weekend and holiday time. For others, a 50-50 schedule where the child shares equal time with both parents makes more sense. Yet another common schedule is for the child to spend Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday with one parent, Thursday and Friday with the other, and alternate the weekends. The possibilities are only limited by what is best for your specific child.
Finally, you’ll want to plan how your child gets from one parent to the other. Often, the parent who is starting their parenting time will pick the child up from the other parent’s house. When parents live far away from each other, often they agree to meet at a location in between. There are many important details here: Is it okay for a third party like a grandparent to transport the child? What happens if a parent is late dropping off or picking up? Does each parent have an age-appropriate car seat? A good family law attorney can help you make sure you’ve included every important detail in the agreement.
Holidays, Vacations, and Special Occasions
In this part of your parenting plan, you will address holidays, school breaks, and travel. I encourage families to start by making a list of the holidays that are important to them. Next, decide how you would like to divide them. For example, many families alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas, so that whichever parent had Thanksgiving in a particular year would not have Christmas that year. The following year, they would switch. For couples who have different religions, one holiday might be more important to one parent than the other. Be creative and create a schedule that allows the child to enjoy the holidays that are important to each of you. Don’t forget to include your children’s birthdays in the schedule.
You’ll also want to talk about what kind of travel you are comfortable with when the child is in the other parent’s custody. If they travel out of state or even out of the country with the child, how much notice should they give you, and what travel details should they provide? For international travel, which parent holds the children’s passports? Again here, an experienced family lawyer is valuable to help you think of every important detail.
Legal Custody and Decision-Making
Legal custody means which parent has the authority to make important decisions about the child, like education, medical care, religion, and activities. In most cases, legal custody is shared, meaning you both have that authority, and you have to consult with each other and reach agreement before making any major decisions.
However, in some cases, it makes more sense for one parent to have legal custody. For example, if one person has a job that frequently makes them difficult to contact, you may wish to give decision-making authority to the other parent. This can also be true if one parent is incarcerated or has an addiction or mental illness that makes decision-making difficult.
Communication Between Parents and With the Child
Your agreement should also include two kinds of communication: How you and your ex communicate with each other, and how your children communicate with each of you when they are in the other parent’s care.
When it comes to communicating with your ex, do you prefer a phone call, a text, or an email? How can you reach each other in the event of an emergency? If your child has a minor illness or injury, how quickly do you want to be informed?
For parents who don’t communicate well with each other, lawyers often recommend a parenting app such as OurFamilyWizard or Talking Parents. These apps save all messages, ensure that messages can’t be altered or deleted, and raise red flags if a message seems hostile or contains offensive words. These help communication flow a little more smoothly between parents.
Finally, when your kids are with their other parent, do you need to talk to them every day, or will one phone call per weekend work? Do you prefer the phone, or a video call? What time will the calls be? Should your child have access to their own phone, or will the parents call each other on their personal phones? All these details should be spelled out in your agreement.
Dispute Resolution Process
Lastly, your agreement should include some guidelines on how to resolve disputes and how to change your agreement if needed. If you disagree on a school or medical issue, who gets the final say? Do you agree to engage a mediator if you can’t agree?
Changes to your agreement might be needed as your child grows up. For example, a daily telephone call to the other parent might not have been practical when your child was an infant, but when they are pre-teens, things are different. Often children begin to have sports and other activities on their calendars as they get older, which could affect the custody schedule. Putting in some guidelines for how you make changes to your agreement will save you some stress down the road.
Why Work With a Virginia Family Law Attorney?
At Vaughan Family Law, children are our first priority. Our child-centered family lawyers help parents in Northern Virginia create parenting plans that reflect both their child’s needs and their rights as parents. Our approach is:
- Child-centered: We are child welfare specialists. Our approach is always focused on your child’s emotional and developmental well-being.
- Customized: No one-size-fits-all plans—we help build agreements tailored to your life and your family.
- Proactive: Any good agreement is designed to minimize future conflict and reduce the odds that you will end up in court.
- Complete: We have helped families through many, many custody cases, and we know the items that need to be addressed in your agreement. By thinking of things you may not have thought of, we help you keep your family in harmony.
📞 Need Help With a Parenting Plan? Let’s Talk.
Whether you’re drafting a new parenting plan or modifying an existing custody arrangement, Vaughan Family Law can help. We’ll guide you through the process, protect your parental rights, and ensure your child’s needs come first.