One of the hardest things about getting divorced is not getting to spend all your free time with your kids. People often tell me that spending 50% of their time with their kids feels like a loss. After all, you used to spend 100% of your time (outside of work and school) with them!
If getting as much time with your kids as possible is your priority, you’ll need to show the court that you can make that work. If you also have a demanding job, that can be challenging. Let’s talk about what judges are looking for when they decide custody cases for working parents.
What Judges Look For
In child custody cases, judges are concerned with one thing only: The best interests of the child. So, while they do care about you and about what’s fair to the parents, they’re much, much more concerned about what’s best for your kids. And let’s be honest – that’s exactly how it should be. Your kids didn’t choose this divorce, and they don’t have a say in it. It’s important that the court puts their well-being first.
Judges are also usually very realistic people. If you’re an airline pilot and you’re in another city four nights a week, and you want 50-50 custody, the judge is going to think you have lost your mind. So as a working parent, you need to show the court that the custody schedule you want will actually work in real life.
How to Show the Court You Should Have Custody
- Have a Plan That Works
If you have a busy career, the first thing you’ll have to show the court is that you’ve put careful thought and planning into how you’ll make this work. First, come up with a realistic schedule that actually works with the job you have. Firefighters, police, medical professionals, and many other professions often have weird hours. Roll up your sleeves and come up with a schedule that you can actually do. That might include working with your employer, such as by asking for a flexible schedule or work-from-home options.
It’s also important to have rock-solid trustworthy child care, and a reliable back-up plan for if a sitter is sick or on vacation. Have a plan for how you are getting the kids to and from school during your time, as well as to any activities they might have.
I’ve seen people get on the witness stand at trial and say “I’ll figure out child care once I have custody.” I’ve even seen people who didn’t have a room set up for their child to sleep in yet on the day of trial! Don’t be that person. You’re being evaluated on your ability to take care of your kids right now. Act like they are coming to live with you after school today, and have all your ducks in a row.
- Be a Great Communicator
If you can’t be basically polite to your ex, having shared custody of your child is not going to work. Parents need to be able to communicate well about things like changes in plans, running late to drop-off, the kids getting sick, etc. If you can’t hold a 5-minute conversation with your ex without losing your cool, you are not impressing the judge.
In addition to simply being nice, courts also look at your ability to cooperate with the other parent and solve problems involving your kids. Imagine your child gets in trouble at school. Can you sit down with your ex and make a plan about how to deal with it? If not, it might be time to work with a therapist or parent coordinator so you can start working as a team for your kids.
If you ‘re thinking “I can be polite to my ex, but they can’t be polite to me,” that’s okay. Keep your side of the street clean and be as kind and reasonable as you can. Their antics just make them look bad.
- Show Up
To prove to a judge that you are an involved parent, there is no shortcut – you have to do it. Show up at parent-teacher conferences, sports games, recitals, doctor’s appointments, etc. Be on time for pick-up and drop-off of the kids. Pay attention to their grades. Know their best friend’s name. Being an involved parent is about showing, not telling.
Call Us
If you’re losing sleep about losing custody of your kids, give us a call. We have done this many, many times before and can help you put your best foot forward in court. Click here to get started.
