If you’re thinking about adopting a child, there are a lot of decisions to make, but perhaps none as important as the lawyer you choose to complete the legal process. Choosing the right adoption lawyer can mean the difference between a smooth, easy process and a stressful or even traumatic one.
While lots of lawyers say that they do adoption, trust me when I say that you do NOT want the same guy who can do your will, your son’s speeding ticket, and your personal injury case doing your adoption. You’re going to need an adoption lawyer.
“Of course you would say that, Elizabeth,” you are saying to yourself, “you are an adoption lawyer.”
True. I am an adoption lawyer. But let me tell you a few stories to show you why I feel this way.
- Small Mistakes That Can Cause Big Problems
Virginia (like most states) has very strict laws about what adoptive parents may and may not pay for in connection with an adoption. While it might seem quite normal to help the mother of your future child financially, paying for things that are not allowed can actually invalidate your adoption completely. That’s pretty much the worst nightmare of every adoptive parent.
Another big no-no is hiring an “adoption facilitator.” These are companies that offer to help match families with children to adopt, and they are not legal in Virginia. Here, the only organization that can help match you with a child is a licensed child-placing agency. But that doesn’t stop dishonest companies from trying to sell their services to unsuspecting families.
Fortunately, these situations are easy to avoid by getting good advice from day one. A good adoption attorney will address this with you the moment you’ve found a potential adoption match.
- Scams and Red Flags
When you are looking for a child to adopt, you may get calls or emails from scammers who prey on families who want to adopt. These people claim to be pregnant and that they want to place the baby for adoption, but actually aren’t pregnant at all. They generally ask for money early in the process and are evasive about meeting or talking on the phone.
Another issue in adoption is “red flags,” — things that might not stop you from pursuing a potential match, but make it advisable to proceed with caution. For example, if a pregnant mother hasn’t yet told the birth father about the pregnancy, you would want to proceed cautiously, because if he wants to parent the baby, there won’t be an adoption at all.
Experienced adoption lawyers are well-versed in how to spot scams and red flags, and can guide you through the matching process in a way that gives you peace of mind.
- Getting Stuck in Another State
When a couple in one state adopts a child from another state, there is a detailed, complicated process called the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) that needs to be followed before you can leave the state with your baby. Each state has an ICPC office that has a long list of paperwork that has to be submitted exactly right. You must complete this process in BOTH states before you can leave the state.
If done right, you can generally go home in a 7 to 21 days depending on the states involved. If done wrong, your ICPC request will be rejected, and you could be stuck in another state with a baby for a very long time. Or worse, if you leave the state with the baby without proper permission, that can cause serious problems for your adoption.
Don’t get stuck away from home with a baby. No one likes that. Hire someone who knows what they’re doing and can get you home.
- Immigration woes
If you are adopting internationally, there are special rules that apply that can affect your child’s ability to become a U.S. citizen.
Here’s a story: The court once called me to help out with an adoption of a teen girl from India. Her aunt and uncle in the United States wanted to adopt her, and they had hired a lawyer who dabbles in adoption. Unfortunately, he had messed up their court paperwork so badly that they basically had to start over. This was a very big deal, because they needed to finalize the adoption before their niece turned 16 – otherwise she wouldn’t be eligible to become a U.S. citizen. Guess how old she was at the time? You guessed it – almost 16.
Fortunately, I was able to hustle and fix it just in time, but a good adoption lawyer will never cut it that close.
Finding a Lawyer
So how do you find an experienced adoption lawyer? The easiest way is to check out the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. In order to be a member of the Academy, you have to have done at least 50 adoptions, 20 of which have to have been within the last 2 years. There are also rules about having experience with interstate adoptions and other types as well. No one gets into the Academy without knowing their adoption law! The Academy has a handy directory that you can search based on where you live, to find an experienced adoption lawyer near you.
If you don’t have an Academy member near you, ask the lawyers you interview how much of their practice is adoption law. If it’s less than one-third, move on.
Those of us who dedicate our time and our hearts to adoption take it very seriously. We are here and ready to welcome you as you add to your family!
